- Zack: Well, I've thought about it long and hard, and I've decided that I'm gonna ask Kelly if we could date exclusively.
- Slater: Exclusively? Wait a minute... you mean as in - - only?
- Zack: Yeah.
- Slater: Are you crazy?
- Zack: I know, I know. It was a shock to me at first too, but I'm sure about this.
- Slater: Oh, no! This is terrible. When Alex hears about this, SHE'LL wanna date exclu -... exclu -... man I can't even say the word!
- [AlexX chickens out on getting a tattoo]
- Alex: I couldn't do it. You're not mad, are you?
- Slater: Of course I'm mad! I got this dumb, idiotic tattoo for YOU.
- Alex: I'm really sorry. I'll make it up to you. What do you want me to do?
- Slater: I'll tell you what I want you to do. You and I are gonna go to the Sylvester Stallone Film Festival next weekend. We're gonna see every movie he ever made.
- Alex: Even "Rocky"?
- Slater: Yup, 1 through 5.
- Alex: I'll go get the tattoo.
- Zack: Kelly, you can't be serious. I mean, if you go on this semester-at-sea program, you'll be at sea... for a semester!
- Dean Susan McMann: [sarcastic shock] And you're only a freshmen?
- [Zack and Kelly are getting married]
- Dean Susan McMann: [on phone] Hello, Reverend Dunlap. I would like to make a reservation in the school chapel for the Kawposki-Morris Wedding.
- [listening]
- Dean Susan McMann: Well then, bump the professor's funeral. He'll keep 'till Monday!
- [the Reverend walks in on a wild stripper bachelor party]
- Rev. Dunlap: You know what? Maybe I should come back another time.
- Zack: Oh that would be great! How about Monday?
- Rev. Dunlap: I was thinking more around the lines of ten years - - when you've all had a chance to grow up!
- Screech: I knew we should have gone with Barney.
- Clara: You do that again, and I'm going to stick your head in the microwave.
- Screech: Mike has Big Bird on his butt!
- Mike Rogers: It's not Big Bird. It's Tweety Bird.
- Screech: Trust me, Mike, that's a big bird!
- Slater: Has anybody ever been to a funeral before?
- Screech: I have.
- Slater: What are you supposed to do?
- Screech: Well, all the loved ones gathered around the grave. Then we put his rubber chew toys and his bowl in with him and buried him under his favorite tree.
- Alex: Awww... how old was your dog?
- Screech: What dog? I'm talking about Grampa Powers.
- Professor Hemmings: This is pathetic! I want every other row to stand up.
- [every other row stands]
- Professor Hemmings: This is how many of my students are going to fail my class - - fifty percent.
- Alex: Excuse me, Professor Hemmings, but... would that be the half that are sitting OR the half that are standing?
- Professor Hemmings: [smiles] We'll soon find out, won't we.