- Sgt. Rita Lee Lance: I would rather go down in a blaze of inefficiency with you.
- Sgt. Chris Lorenzo: It's just that you're my best friend, Sam.
- Sgt. Rita Lee Lance: As long as you're working with me, you're not even gonna come close.
- Sgt. Chris Lorenzo: I wasn't making a play.
- Sgt. Rita Lee Lance: Oh, but as soon as they separate us, I will race you to the nearest motel.
- Sgt. Chris Lorenzo: I couldn't take that chance, Sam. I am so good in bed that I would explode that balloon in your head in the first 30 mintues. I just wouldn't want that on my conscience.
- Sgt. Chris Lorenzo: How often do you and Fran fight?
- Capt. Harry Lipschitz: Daily is a word that comes to mind. Hourly, by the minute is also good.
- Sgt. Chris Lorenzo: The longer you wait, the harder it gets.
- Sgt. Rita Lee Lance: Is that what you told Angela?
- Sgt. Chris Lorenzo: You're so funny.
- Sgt. Chris Lorenzo: I am not after people, I am after justice. That's what makes me such a special civil servant.
- Sgt. Chris Lorenzo: Yeah, I am sneaking up on your blindside, Sam.
- Sgt. Rita Lee Lance: You wouldn't do that to me, Sam, 'cause you're my best friend, too.
- Sgt. Chris Lorenzo: Yeah, what a revolting development!
- Sgt. Rita Lee Lance: Great, now all I need is a pair of pom-poms.
- Sgt. Chris Lorenzo: I don't know Sam, the pom-poms you got look pretty good to me.
- Sgt. Chris Lorenzo: Would you?
- Sgt. Rita Lee Lance: Would I what?
- Sgt. Chris Lorenzo: You know, scream and call my name over and over if we did it.
- Sgt. Chris Lorenzo: So she wants me to go undercover as a male escort, can you picture that?
- Capt. Harry Lipschitz: Yeah, in perfect focus, do it.
- Sgt. Chris Lorenzo: Sammy, I'm impressed. I didn't know you followed baseball. I thought golf was your only sport.