Diggin' Up Business (1990)
Ruth Buzzi: Widow Knockerby
Quotes
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Widow Knockerby : Dear? Dear? Dear, I'd like you to meet a friend of mine. Lucille Cross.
Tesia Papadapacropolis : Oh, so nice to meet you, Miss Cross.
Lucille : Mrs. Cross, thank you.
Widow Knockerby : Well actually now it'd be the widow Cross.
Lucille : You're right.
Tesia Papadapacropolis : I'm so sorry.
Lucille : It's very recent.
Tesia Papadapacropolis : Oh, I understand.
Albert : Isn't that Deputy Don?
Tesia Papadapacropolis : Don! I forgot!
Lucille : Oh, I forget sometimes too, dear. It gets worse as you get older.
Widow Knockerby : Lucille was commenting on the extraordinary way you displayed Clarence. So decorative.
Albert : You're meeting him here? Love among the dead? It's so gothic.
Widow Knockerby : Lucille was seriously considering having Marvin done here.
Albert : Sounds as if she wants him to have a haircut.
Tesia Papadapacropolis : Don!
Don : Hiya honey.
Tesia Papadapacropolis : Hi dear.
Don : Albert.
Albert : Hi partner.
Don : Don.
Tesia Papadapacropolis : Don, I'd like you to meet Mrs Knockerby and, I'm sorry, what was your name?
Lucille : Lucille.
Widow Knockerby : The widow Cross.
Tesia Papadapacropolis : Don, I'm afraid I'm going to have to cancel tonight.
Don : Oh drat! It's only one night, Teezy-weezy.
Tesia Papadapacropolis : Something has come up, dear.
Albert : Teezy-weezy?
Tesia Papadapacropolis : Albert! And I have to work tonight.
Don : Oh? Do you work here now, Albert?
Albert : No, actually I'm still in linen.
Tesia Papadapacropolis : Albert sells bathroom towels.
Albert : Well, because you can never have enough after-bath wraps.
Don : I can.
Widow Knockerby : The widow Cross's Marvin was a big fan of Gypsy Rose Lee.
Lucille : That's right, and I was thinking maybe a burlesque motif for the service.
Tesia Papadapacropolis : I beg your pardon?
Lucille : Well, you know, a kind of New Orleans feel.
Widow Knockerby : Oh, Lucille, this is the girl who designed Clarence's face.
Lucille : Oh, I was so impressed. We were just discussing my Marvin. I think I'd like to send him off as a chorus line kicker!
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Tesia Papadapacropolis : Mrs, that is to say widow Cross, I'm afraid that won't be possible.
Lucille : Why not?
Tesia Papadapacropolis : Well, we're really not set up to accommodate that sort of request.
Lucille : Now, I understand that a theme such as this doesn't come cheap, and I'm willing to pay for all the extras. Just name your price.
Tesia Papadapacropolis : Oh... uh, what do you think?
Albert : I think it's your funeral. Get the cheque. Get the cheque!
Tesia Papadapacropolis : Entertain Don while us girls talk business.
Albert : Oh, righto. Thank you.
Tesia Papadapacropolis : Is it a problem, Mona?
Mona : No problem!
Widow Knockerby : Well, what did I tell you? Trust me, it is going to be the hit of the season!
Tesia Papadapacropolis : Shall we make the arrangements now? You did say you brought your check book?
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Tesia Papadapacropolis : How's he looking?
Mona : Life like.
Tesia Papadapacropolis : Mona, I specifically told you just a straightforward makeup for Mr Knockerby.
Mona : It is.
Tesia Papadapacropolis : The family's going to be here any minute and their loved one looks like Charlie McCarthy. Did you take the makeup course I sent you to?
Mona : I went to the first session.
Tesia Papadapacropolis : And?
Mona : Well, the models moved around so damn much.
Tesia Papadapacropolis : Mona, brighter is not necessarily better. None of our clients are going to be propped up in themed windows. They don't need to be seen by passing motorists.
Mona : I know, but the bereaved widow did request he be presented the way he is in life: happy!
Tesia Papadapacropolis : Happy, Mona, not hysterical. I'm sorry, this is totally unacceptable.
Widow Knockerby : Oh, he would absolutely love it!
Tesia Papadapacropolis : What?
Widow Knockerby : I mean, it is to die for, if you'll pardon the expression. Oh Clarence, Clarence, do you like it, honey? Oh, he does, I know he does, trust me. I knew to go with the independent, the little guy always tries harder. It is testament to this man's life as a butcher. Never a cross word, always a smile. Liver would be down, he would be up. A saint, this man. God bless you!