- Charlie: [relaying a message to Marshall, who in turn is in a meeting] ... and we've been offered very favorable interest rates from Hong Kong.
- Marshall: [apparently having misheard what Charlie said] We've been offered very favorable interest rates from King Kong.
- Charlie: *Hong* Kong!
- Marshall: I mean *Hong* Kong.
- Marshall: [about his ex-wife] This is the woman who I couldn't live with as a husband, and now I'm going to be her son.
- Hockey Coach: [to his ice-hockey team] Can someone tell me what's going on here? Am I in the wrong place, or are these the auditions for the Ice Capades? In the locker room, in the classroom, you guys may be buddies. Out here, all I want to see is hate!
- Charlie: [to one of this teammates, about that coach] The city pays this man to shape young minds?
- Marshall: [on why he recalled the Thai-swearing Mooses] It didn't seem fair! Kid got a toy and it didn't even work.
- Stratford Avery: [Marshall was playing drums in the music department] What's going on? This is Vigar and Avery, not a nightclub!