Short Circuit (1986)
Austin Pendleton: Howard Marner
Photos
Quotes
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Howard Marner : What if it goes out and melts down a bus load of nuns? How would you like to write the headline on that one?
Benjamin Jabituya : Nun soup?
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Howard Marner : Crosby, we're going to have to ask you to surrender the robot.
Newton Crosby : Stat?
Howard Marner : Stat!
Newton Crosby : What does that mean, anyway?
Howard Marner : I don't know. But that's not the point.
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Howard Marner : Crosby, what's it gonna do?
Newton Crosby : Howard it's hard to say, it's malfunctioning, it may not do anything.
Skroeder : But it COULD decide to blow away anything that moves, couldn't it? COULDN'T IT CROSBY?
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Skroeder : ...and I'm going to need some Hueys.
Howard Marner : Some what?
Skroeder : HELICOPTERS, Howard. Jesus Christ!
Howard Marner : I thought they were choppers.
Skroeder : Well, now they're called Hueys.
Howard Marner : Well, why wasn't I notified?
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Skroeder : What the hell does it need input for?
Newton Crosby : I don't know; I guess it can't triangulate its position.
Howard Marner : That's a simple function.
Newton Crosby : Can you triangulate YOUR position, Howard?
Howard Marner : No.
Newton Crosby : Well, then - there you go!
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Howard Marner : No, I'm sure we'll all agree that Dr Crosby has designed a weapon which will keep our world safe for all time.
Newton Crosby : Howard, what's so safe about blowing people up?
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[after Number 5 is seemingly destroyed]
Skroeder : [cheerfully] Now that, my friend, is how you kick ass!
Howard Marner : Years of research are down the tubes, and you're happy as a pig in slops.
Skroeder : [proudly] Just doing my job, sir.
Howard Marner : Maybe from now on you can do it somewhere else.
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Howard Marner : [On CB] Crosby, it's Howard. If you don't have my van back in 15 minutes...!
[Number 5 blows up CB]
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Howard Marner : [to Newton; screaming hysterically, banging his fists on the table] I AM NOT HAVING THIS ANYMORE, CROSBY! IT WAS YOUR FAULT THAT YOU HAD TO TALK TO THESE PEOPLE!
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Howard Marner : Well, ladies and gentlemen, I want you to meet: Strategic Artificially Intelligent Nuclear Transport - or S.A.I.N.T, as we call it.
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Howard Marner : Where did you disappear to?
Newton Crosby : I was hobnobbing!
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Howard Marner : I got a phone call from that looney in the lunch wagon. She wants to see you. Only you!
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Howard Marner : Hey! Who told you you could take Number One?
Newton Crosby : Howard, logically, if we need protection from Number Five - this is the best weapon we could have.
Howard Marner : Great. Great. So, instead of 11 million dollars on the loose - we're gonna have twenty-two.
Ben Jabituya : And plus, we are needing gas money.
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Howard Marner : Don't tell me its laser is still armed.
Ben Jabituya : Bimbo.
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Howard Marner : Where is he? I need him! Stat!
Ben Jabituya : Excuse me, sir? Crosby? He is hiding in the toilet, sir.
Howard Marner : Public relations is everybody's job.
Ben Jabituya : He's saying that the crowds, they are making him dog sick, sir...
Howard Marner : Look, he's supposed to be here, I want him here, I *pay* him to be here.
Ben Jabituya : Well, the last time I'm seeing him, he is busy womiting, sir.
Howard Marner : Well, clean him up and send him out, to hobnob. Stat!
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Ben Jabituya : "Unable. Malfunction."
Howard Marner : How can it refuse to turn itself off?
Skroeder : Maybe it's pissed off.
Newton Crosby : It's a machine, Schroeder. It doesn't get pissed off. It doesn't get happy, it doesn't get sad, it doesn't laugh at your jokes.
Newton Crosby , Ben Jabituya : [in unison] It just runs programs.
Howard Marner : It usually runs programs.