Cheers (1982–1993)

George Wendt: Norm Peterson, Self

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Norm : It's a dog eat dog world, and I'm wearing Milkbone underwear.

• Norm : Morning, everybody!

  Woody : Beer, Mr. Peterson?

  Norm : Little early in the day isn't it, Woody?

  Woody : Little early for a beer?

  Norm : No, for stupid questions.

• Sam : What are you up to, Norm?

  Norm : My ideal weight... if I were 11 feet tall.

• Woody : Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?

  Norm : Alright, but stop me at one. Make that one-thirty.

• Woody : Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you.

  Norm : I know. If she calls, I'm not here.

• Norm : I wish I had time for a hobby.

  Cliff : Norm, you've got time to make your own coal.

• Everyone : NORM.

  Coach : What's new, Norm?

  Norm : I need something to hold me over until my second beer.

  Coach : How about a first beer?

  Norm : That'll work.

• Coach : How's life treating you Norm?

  Norm : Like I just ran over its dog.

• Sam : What'll you have Normie?

  Norm : Well, I'm in a gambling mood Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap.

  Sam : Looks like beer, Norm.

  Norm : Call me Mister Lucky.

• Norm : Women. You can't live with 'em. Pass the beernuts.

• Norm : I want something light and cold.

  Carla : Sorry, it's Diane's day off.

• Coach : How's life treating you Norm?

  Norm : Like it caught me in bed with its wife.

• Norm : Boy, I envy Sammy and his carefree lifestyle.

  Carla : Yeah.

  Norm : Night after night, he dates pretty girls, while I sit here and wrestle with the world's problems.

  Carla : You do not.

  Norm : What do you mean? Last night I let out a moan at the thought of nuclear war.

  Carla : It wasn't 'cuz of nuclear war, it's cuz we ran out of beer nuts.

  Norm : It was a combination of the two.

• Sam : Hey, Norm, can I get you a beer?

  Norm : Beer? Isn't that the amber-colored, carbonated liquid? I've heard good things about it.

• Cliff : If I wasn't wearing this uniform, I'd ask you to step outside.

  Norm : If you weren't wearing that uniform, we'd all step outside.

• Norm : [referring to Vera lunching with the wives of his bosses]  She just didn't pass muster.

  Woody : Well maybe she couldn't reach it.

• Norm : [Frasier and Lilith are having an argument in Sam's office]  Sammy, don't you think you should check on them? They've been in there for over an hour.

  Sam : Yeah, I guess so.

  [knocks on the door] 

  Sam : Frasier, you guys all right?

  Frasier : [opening the door]  A few more minutes, Sam. It's almost my turn to talk.

• Coach : Norm, how come you and Vera never had any kids?

  Norm : I can't, Coach.

  Coach : Gee, I'm sorry Norm.

  Norm : I look at Vera. I just can't.

• Norm : I have, on several occasions, been known to perspire a bit.

  Carla : We could grow rice.

• [Sam has made a baseball comeback] 

  Norm : Boy oh boy. The thought of Sammy out there, chucking them down. What I wouldn't give to see that.

  Cliff : Norm, it's only a thirty-dollar train ride.

  Norm : Well, that's what I wouldn't give.

• [Red Sox star Wade Boggs enters Cheers] 

  Wade Boggs : Hi, I'm Wade Boggs.

  Norm : Yeah, pal, and I'm Babe Ruth.

  Cliff : And I'm Dizzy Dean.

  Woody : I'm Woody Boyd.

• Norm : What's This Old House?

  Frasier : It's a show on PBS.

  Norm : What's PBS?

  Lilith : Tell me you didn't see that coming a mile away.

• Lilith : Frasier, how do expect Frederick to learn all the skills he needs if you're hanging out all day in a bar?

  Norm : Afternoon, everybody.

  Frederick Crane : Norm.

  [everyone stops and looks at Frederick] 

  Lilith : [picking up Frederick]  Oh, he said, "Mama."

• Carla : What are you all sitting around here like a bunch of wimps for?

  Norm : It's what wimps do.

• [Norm walks in, and sits] 

  Cliff : Hey, Norm, What's up?

  Norm : My blood-alcohol level.

• Woody : What do you say to a cold one, Norm?

  Norm : See you later, Vera; I'm going to Cheers.

• Cliff : Interesting little article here. It says that, uh... the average human being only uses seventeen percent of his brain. Boy, you realize what that means? We don't use a full, uh... sixty-four percent.

  Norm : Some don't use even more.

• Woody : Jack Frost nipping at your toes, Mr. Peterson?

  Norm : Yeah, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver.

• Sam : What's new, Normie?

  Norm : Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach and they're demanding beer.

• [Norm and Cliff watch Frasier and Lilith make out their wills] 

  Cliff : I don't see what the fuss is over this whole will business. When I die, everything goes to ma.

  Norm : That's great, Cliff, but what if she dies first?

  Cliff : Shut up. Shut up, Peterson. SHUT UP, THE WHOLE SICK LOT OF YOU.

• Carla : I'm scared. Norm, hold my hand.

  [Carla grabs Norm's hand] 

  Norm : Woods, hold my hand.

  [Norm grabs Woody's hand. He looks at his beer, and then his hands] 

  Norm : Um, Lilith, could you pass me a straw?

• Norm : My supervisor's coming over here for drinks. I don't want to give him the impression that I'm one of those barfly type guys.

• [on reincarnation] 

  Cliff : The Hindus believe that what you come back as depends upon your behavior in your this life. If you led a good life, you come back in an elevated state.

  Coach : Like Colorado?

  Cliff : No, Coach. Uh, more like a king or a prince. Conversely, if you've not led a good life, you come back in a more lowly condition.

  Norm : Last time out, I must have made a real ass out of myself.

• [the bar holds a drawing to decide the night's designated driver] 

  Carla : And the lucky loser is... Norm Peterson.

  Norm : Great, the first time I enter this thing and you can't pick...

  [Norm pulls another slip from the hat] 

  Norm : Norm Peterson or...

  [Norm pulls another slip from the hat] 

  Norm : Norm Peterson or...

  [Norm pulls another slip from the hat] 

  Norm : Norm Peterson or...

  [Norm pulls another slip from the hat] 

  Norm : Oh, Frasier Crane. At least somebody was honest.

  Frasier : I beg your pardon. I wrote "Norm Peterson".

  [Norm looks at the slip again] 

  Norm : You're right. I wrote that.

• [Designated driver Norm returns to the bar] 

  Norm : Beer please.

  [Sam slides a beer to Norm, but Carla intercepts it] 

  Carla : Sorry, Norm. Until the night is over, you're still our designated driver.

  Norm : I know that and you know that, but did you have to call every bar in town and tell them?

• [Sam tries to hotwire Cliff's disabled car] 

  Frasier : Are you sure you know what you're doing?

  Sam : Don't worry. My old friend Buck taught me how to hotwire a car.

  [Sam electrocutes himself and falls to the ground] 

  Frasier : Sam, are you all right?

  Sam : Diane?

  Cliff : You see, Sammy. What your friend Buck never counted on was the Cliff Clavin Auto Security System. First, Mr. Car Thief gets the shock of his life, then the doors automatically lock and the alarm goes off.

  Norm : Wait, the doors *lock*?

  Cliff : Yeah, and the alarm should be going off. I don't know why it ain't working.

  Norm : I guess I'll have to do it manually then...

  [screaming at Cliff] 

  Norm : You locked us out of the car!

• [the guys play a game of basketball, but Norm's ball won't bounce] 

  Sam : The ball seems a little low on air, Norm.

  Norm : Yeah, it's been a while since I've been to the gym. I used to go to the one next to Cheers.

  Cliff : There's no gym next to Cheers.

  Norm : I know, they tore it down to build the jewelry store.

  Cliff : There's no jewelry store either.

  Norm : I know, they tore that down to build the bank.

  Sam : Bank's been there as long as I can remember.

  Norm : Well, there you go.

• Woody : What's shakin', Mr. Peterson?

  Norm : All four cheeks and a couple of chins.

• Woody : What's going on, Mr. Peterson?

  Norm : The question is what's going *in* Mr. Peterson. A beer please, Woody.

• Woody : Would you like a beer, Mr. Peterson?

  Norm : No, I'd like a dead cat in a glass.

• Frasier : For I am a healer, that is what I do.

  Cliff : And WE are PANTSERS...

  Norm : THAT is what WE do.

  [Frasier runs] 

• Rebecca : Your not letting your employees take advantage of you, are you?

  Norm : Yeah, maybe a little bit. Yesterday afternoon the guys decided to just knock off early and go bowling.

  Rebecca : So what did you do?

  Norm : I broke 200. Personal high. It was great.

• Woody : Sam, I found an apartment... It's got everything I ever wanted... a living room and a bedroom.

  Sam : Isn't this in Chinatown?

  Woody : I don't think so Sam.

  Sam : Well yeah I think it is. Did there seem to be a lot of Chinese restaurants around?

  Woody : Yeah, I guess so.

  Cliff : Were there a lot of uh signs hanging hither and yonder in Chinese there?

  Woody : Yeah, come to think of it.

  Norm : Lots of Chinese people walking around in the street I suppose.

  Woody : Yeah, but that could just be a coincidence you know. I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll call my landlady. If anyone would know, Mrs. Chung would.

• Rebecca : You guys, I have my new wedding dress. And now all I need is something old, something borrowed, and something blue.

  Carla : How 'bout Norm's liver?

  Norm : I am almost finished with it.

• Norm : Next to Sammy's life, my life has always appeared dull. Then again, next to a barnacle's life, my life has always appeared dull.

• Coach : Hey, Norm. What do you know?

  Norm : Not enough.

• Old Man : What if I bought this guy a beer?

  Norm : Buy me a pitcher and you can kiss me on the lips.

• Norm : I'm trying to write a letter of recommendation for my secretary, Doris.

  Cliff : Why? Is she quitting?

  Norm : No, I gotta let her go. Business hasn't been so good since I decided to stop working.

• [while having a debate with Cliff] 

  Norm : Hey, Frasier, you're a doctor. What happens to old, dead skin?

  Frasier : Apparently it sits on barstools and drinks beer all day.

• Lilith : Frazer; how can you expect Frederick to develop the verbal skills he'll need if you sit around with him in a bar all day?

  Norm : Evening everybody!

  Frederick Crane : Norm!

• Cliff : Is this me or is this getting a little weird?

  Carla : You passed weird six months ago.

  Norm : Now you're boldly going where no man has gone before.

  Cliff : Boy, I guess it's true what they say, huh? There's a fine line between gardening and madness.

• Woody : What's up?

  Norm : The warranty on my liver.

• Coach : How you doing, Norm?

  Norm : Coach, I'm on top of the world... it's a dismal spot in Greenland somewhere.

• Cliff : I have impossibly high standards for a woman.

  Norm : Yeah, she has to like you.

• Norm : [Norm is trying to pass himself off as a gay interior decorator to a yuppie couple]  Did I tell you that I programmed myself to dream about your space last night?

• [the gang has found out about Norm's interior decorating business] 

  Norm : Uh, guys; sorry I didn't tell you, but I figured you wouldn't understand.

  Cliff : Ah, we don't care about your sexual orientation there, Normie. You can get stuff wholesale!

• Cliff : Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... You know that famous buffalo theory thing...

  Norm : Yeah?

  Cliff : I never said it.