Cheers (1982–1993)

Kirstie Alley: Rebecca Howe, Self

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Quotes 

• Lilith : Frasier, I've got to run. I'm having my photograph taken for a new ID badge at the lab.

  Rebecca : Are you going to get your hair done for that?

  Lilith : Why on earth should I?

  Carla : Well, at least get the tension on that bun checked. I mean, if that baby goes, we're all dead.

  Lilith : That hardly seems just coming from a woman whose hair has never seen a greasy pot it couldn't scrub clean.

• Rebecca : I know you have trouble dealing with a woman in a position of authority.

  Sam : Whoa, wait a minute. I resent that. I've never had trouble with a woman in ANY position.

• Lilith : I'd like you to be maid of honor at my wedding.

  Rebecca : Shouldn't that be for your best friend?

  Lilith : You are my best friend. Now what is your name?

  Rebecca : Rebecca.

  Lilith : Lilith Sternin. Pleased to meet you.

  Rebecca : Likewise.

• [Cliff has read that his medication can cause male breast enlargement] 

  Cliff : I see you all looking at my chestal area; stop it! I don't have breasts!

  Rebecca : Don't let them get to you, Cliff. I took that medication and the risk of side effects is very overrated.

  Cliff : Oh, yeah, Rebecca? How long ago did you take it?

  Rebecca : About twenty years ago; back when I was a little boy.

  [Cliff stomps out as Rebecca high-fives Carla] 

• Sam : You drinking again?

  Rebecca : Certainly not. I never stopped.

• [Rebecca is considering plastic surgery] 

  Woody : Miss Howe, I may be in the minority here, but I'm tired of all this plastic surgery talk. I think you're perfect just like you are.

  Rebecca : Well, Woody; no one is perfect. Surely there must be something about me you think needs improving.

  Woody : OK. Your breasts then.

  Rebecca : Thank you, Woody.

  Woody : No. Thank you.

• [Lilith is confronting Rebecca over her alleged affair with Frazier] 

  Lilith : Rebecca Howe?

  Rebecca : Yes?

  Lilith : I'm saving you a lot of trouble, you know. Frasier is a good man, but he is obsessively compulsive and neurotic. Sure, the sex is great, but he gets his feelings hurt if you don't praise his performance. That can be taken care of with a simple "Thank you, Conan".

  Rebecca : Who are you and who is Frasier? I don't know Frasier and...

  [pause] 

  Rebecca : "Thank you, Conan"?

• Rebecca : Your not letting your employees take advantage of you, are you?

  Norm : Yeah, maybe a little bit. Yesterday afternoon the guys decided to just knock off early and go bowling.

  Rebecca : So what did you do?

  Norm : I broke 200. Personal high. It was great.

• Rebecca : You know, I really think I can put together a great Thanksgiving dinner. This'll be the second one that I've cooked, and believe me, the first one was not the disaster that my family said it was. Those kids had a pretty good time in that ambulance.

• Rebecca : You guys, I have my new wedding dress. And now all I need is something old, something borrowed, and something blue.

  Carla : How 'bout Norm's liver?

  Norm : I am almost finished with it.

• Rebecca : Until I began eating clean, I never realized how a good a nice, dry ricecake could taste.

  Woody : How can you eat those, Miss Howe, they don't have any flavor.

  Rebecca : Oh, if I eat these I will live longer.

  Woody : Well, I have a question. You know how you're always talking about how you hate your life? How come you wanna make it longer?

  Rebecca : Shut up, Woody.

• Sam : Listen, listen, listen - if you don't love the guy, then why don't you just back out of this?

  Rebecca : I'm supposed to tell the richest man in the world that I don't wanna marry him?

  Sam : No, he's not rich anymore, remember?

  Rebecca : That's right. What's his number?

• Rebecca : There is some crap up with which I will not put.

• Rebecca : I lost my dream job, and when I walked out of that House of Pancakes, I felt two inches tall.

• [after burning down the bar] 

  Rebecca : Hey Sam, speaking of bars burning down, guess what I did?

• [while Sam and the guys play poker, Rebecca discovers the bar has no liquor license and starts serving non-alcoholic beverages] 

  Sam : Rebecca, could we have another round of beers? The guys are going through it like it's water.

  Rebecca : Well, it's not!

• Rebecca : I was told by my boss to come up with something for the retirement party so I got this left over seafood platter from Melville's.

  Carla : Leftover seafood? Isn't that kind of cheap?

  Rebecca : What should I have done? Strip naked and dance on the tables to "Funky Cold Medina"?

  Sam : We could help you rehearse.

• Sam : [after a bar patron tells him about a girl from UConn known as "Back-seat Becky"]  Say, Rebecca, where'd you go to college?

  Rebecca : University of Connecticut, why?

• Sam : If I win, I get to go bed with you.

  Rebecca : What do I get if I win?

  Sam : YOU get to go bed with ME.

• Rebecca : So did you get a chance to see Carla's babies?

  Sam : We sure did. They are two of the cutest little guys you have ever seen.

  Rebecca : Who do they look like Carla or Eddie.

  Woody : Well they're twins. They kinda' look like each other.

• Rebecca : I am perfectly prepared to marry Robin and spend the rest of my life with him. I'm just not particularly looking forward to it.

• Rebecca : Sam, I need to talk to you, and I have no one else to talk to.

  Sam : Sure, what is it?

  Rebecca : I'm having problems with my relationship with Robin, and I think it may have something to do with this.

  [Reaches into her shirt and pulls off her face like a mask to reveal Al when Sam suddenly wakes up] 

  Sam : I hope that was a dream.

• Rebecca : [after Sam winks at her]  Mr. Malone, are you developing a tic?

  Sam : No, that was a wink.

  Rebecca : Oh, then you're developing into a tick.

• Rebecca : The sex was great, but he was British and had no idea.