- Stan Nagurski: Nagurski's Law Number Four: "Never go into a music store that's been cut into with an acetyline torch."
- Kid Drummer - 'Municipalians': Hey man, get outta my face.
- Brent Falcone: I didn't - I didn't mean to.... Be in your face.
- Brent Falcone: How 'bout we just bop over to my place, look around the garage, I bet we could set up a set of drums just for you.
- Brent Falcone: [Kid drummer shots Falcone, leaving him staggering back to the squad car] Hey Stan, a little kid shot me.
- Stan Nagurski: Now I'm gonna give you the first of Nagurski's Laws. Never throw water on a sleeping junkie.
- Stan Nagurski: Nagurski's Law number three, always call the car a vehicle around whores, they get off on that.
- Samuel Starkman: [smashes front window from inside with a gun] Ya can't touch me coppas, I've got a lawyer.
- Lawyer: [smashes another front window with a briefcase] I'm tired of being heckled and harassed by the police and I intend to sue for every nickel they've got... Take my wife, please.
- Junkie: I know that guy, huh!
- Lawyer: I take my wife everywhere, but she finds her way home. I ask my wife, "what do you want to do for your anniversary?" She says "I wanna go someplace I've never been before." I said "Try the kitchen."
- Brent Falcone: Stan, what do we do?
- Stan Nagurski: You heard him, the guys got a lawyer.
- Stan Nagurski: [pulling up to the curb] How's it going girls?
- Spanish Prositute - 'Municipalians': I was stabbed in the leg by an aircraft mechanic.
- Stan Nagurski: I'm sorry.
- Brent Falcone: Nagurski, Stan Negurski. I'm Brent Falcone, your new partner.
- Stan Nagurski: My wife divorced me, then she died. I'll tell you about it sometime.
- Junkie: I've got this dog, you know, who's really messed up, because he was doing some animal tranquilizers or something like that.
- Brent Falcone: Really?
- Junkie: Yeah and when I got up, I reached over to smack my dog, see. Because when I get up... I like to smack him... I went - whack, right...
- Brent Falcone: That's... that's not nice.
- Junkie: My dog got really pissed off. And he ran in the bathroom and he put some Ajax in my syringe and fucked me up, right. So, I may not be too high right now but, uh-huh-uh... I'm clean.
- Stan Nagurski: Flake out man, flake out. Nargusrki's law number three: Always call the car a vehicle around whores. They get off on that.
- Brent Falcone: It's your turn, Stan.
- Stan Nagurski: What?
- Brent Falcone: [Looking agitated] It's your turn.
- Stan Nagurski: My turn, I've got seniority.
- Brent Falcone: I don't give a shit.
- Stan Nagurski: Ow, come on.
- Brent Falcone: Get out of the car!
- Stan Nagurski: What?
- Brent Falcone: [looking extremely agitated] Get out of the fucking car!
- Dominique Corsaire ("Success Wanters"): Teach me margarine. I want to know everything there is to know about margarine.