- [Vincent uses human flesh to spice up his smoked meat]
- Vincent Smith: It takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent Fritters.
- Vincent Smith: Oh, come on, girl, haven't you ever cleaned a fish? You know there's nothing cruel about what I'm doing here. I treat most of my stock better than farmers treat their animals. I don't feed 'em chemicals or hormones. When you consider the way the world is today, there's no question I'm doing a lot of them a big favor.
- Terry: What right do you have to play God?
- Vincent Smith: I'm not trying to play God. I wouldn't even know how to begin. I'm just helping out. There's too many people in the world and not enough food. Now this takes care of both problems at the same time.
- Ida Smith: You look good enough to eat.
- Guy Robaire: I hope so! Listen, you want me to tie you up, or you want to tie me up?
- Ida Smith: Oh, I'll tie you up.
- Guy Robaire: All right, tie me up.
- Edith Olson: Hey, you do that pretty good. What is this, dog style?
- Vincent Smith: No ma'am, hog.
- Vincent Smith: Well, that's not so much to complain about. They're good animals. Not like taking care of chickens, or hogs, or...
- Ida Smith: Cut out their tongues. That would take care of the hissing. Hey, you could smoke their tongues!
- Vincent Smith: Well, I tried that. The texture's all wrong. Won't mix with the pork.
- Vincent Smith: Well, we had this old dog you see, and it used to bother Granny barking through her naps and all that, so one day, she asked me to shush it for her. Ha! I shushed it all right.
- Ida Smith: Yeah, he sure did. He smoked that old dog just like a hog.
- Sheriff Bruce Smith: That night Vincent served it for dinner, and Granny liked it so much, she nearly ate the whole pooch herself. Oh, she was so grateful she taught Vincent all her smoking secrets.
- Terry: [in disgust] She knew she was eating a dog?
- Vincent Smith: Well, Granny never put any distinctions on any of God's creatures. She always used to say...
- Vincent Smith, Ida Smith: ...Meat's meat and man's gotta eat!
- [last lines]
- Sheriff Bruce Smith: I was brought up here, you know. Now, I'm kind of glad I ran away from home when I was 11. I guess there's gonna be some kind of investigation.
- Terry: Why don't you just burn the place?
- Sheriff Bruce Smith: Burn it? You mean arson?
- Terry: I don't know. That's what I'd do. It's an evil motel.
- Guy Robaire: Hey, I wonder if they're into animals.
- Edith Olson: I certainly hope so.
- Guy Robaire: Oh, I can't take it when you wiggle that weapon.
- Edith Olson: [putting her whip around his neck] If you can't take it, then I'll take you.
- Guy Robaire: Edith, oil me up. Let's get greasy!
- Vincent Smith: Ah, well done. Although sometimes I wonder about the karmic implications of these acts. I can no more take credit for the good we've done here tonight than if that great pilot in the sky had blessed each of them with a bolt of lightning through their hearts.
- Vincent Smith: Well, start bringing 'em in.
- Ida Smith: Hey, what about my surprise?
- Vincent Smith: You're right! Come over here. Guess who?
- Ida Smith: Well, I give up.
- Vincent Smith: Da da da daaah!
- Ida Smith: Bob! Good to see you! When you drop in? Ha, ha, ha, ha!
- Ida Smith: And you wonder how I keep my shape, huh? Ha, ha, ha! Let's see what we got here. Funny lookin' critters, ain't they, Vincent?
- Vincent Smith: Yeah, maybe so. But you know as well as I do, it takes all kinds of critters...
- Ida Smith, Vincent Smith: ...to make Farmer Vincent Fritters!
- Ida Smith: Hey Vincent. I think this one is just about ready.
- Vincent Smith: Almost, but not quite. Tomorrow, he'll be ready to become famous.
- Ida Smith: What? What's that, you say? Come on, speak up. You see, when your vocal cords have been slit, you gotta answer real clearly if you expect anyone to understand you. Oh no, no, no, you just don't got the hang of it yet. But don't worry, you will. You'll catch on. I know you will.
- Ida Smith: Traps work out O.K.?
- Vincent Smith: Yeah. You know, I am just beginning to realize how important they are to me.
- Ida Smith: The bear traps? How's that, Vincent?
- Vincent Smith: No, no, no. I mean the traps. Shooting out the tires or chains dressed across the highway and the way we had you lying by the side of the road next to the old Chevy we set on fire. You know what I mean, the traps!
- Ida Smith: Oh, sure! But how come they're so important to you?
- Vincent Smith: Well, because they give me a chance to be creative.
- Ida Smith: Oh, sort of... artistic.
- Vincent Smith: Yeah. And that way, the work we're doing here will always be as special as it is important.