Jane Curtin: Elaine
Photos
Quotes
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Elaine : [Louise has just jumped in the water to get the bag of money] I thought you said you couldn't swim!
Louise : [flailing her arms] I can't!
Elaine : [groans] Ok, You'll go get the money bag and I'll save the genius.
Jane : You know, we could split up the money right now...
Elaine : SWIM! NOW!
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Louise : Oh, I don't know, there's got to be some way we can make money.
Elaine : We can make porno films and all wear ski masks.
Jane : No, Robert and I got bombed out one night. We put a little "I love you" tattoo on my ankle.
Elaine : [to Jane] Ok, we'll wear masks, you wear socks.
Louise : Come on, let's get out of here.
Elaine : What do you think about a doggy bag for the butter?
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Patty : What do you want?
Elaine : I want you to get this lousy bank to lend me some money, or at least extend my MasterCharge limit. Oh, Patty, You've got to help me! I'm broke, flat busted broke. The house and car payments are due on Monday, I need money.
Patty : You know how banks operate. They only lend money to people who don't need it.
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Jane : I know we've only got two days to go, but I don't know why you guys are so mad at me. You know I can't afford a baby-sitter, and Max is at a "Senior Citizens For Reagan" meeting tonight.
Elaine : Jesus, Jane. This is a royal pain in the ass. I mean, tonight's important. We're psychologically testing ourselves by robbing Wheeler's and you bring your kids along. Can't you leave them home just once?
Jane : Are you serious? The last time that I left those two alone Billy took nude pictures of Laurie with his Polaroid and sent them into Playboy Magazine. It's dangerous!
Elaine : Oh, I see. You bring them along on a robbery where they'll be safe!
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Elaine : This is an emergency!
Power and Light man : It always is.
Elaine : [Lying] No, I am serious. My mother is a very sick woman. She's in the bed next to me with her kidney machine, which has kept her alive for seven years. This wonderful 84-year-old woman!
Elaine : [pretending to talk to "mama"] What's that mama? The machine isn't going "ta-pocketa ta-pocketa ta-pocketa" anymore? Oh my God! No, I'm not talking to Oral Roberts on the phone mama, it's too late for that. But the man on the other end of the phone cares. You do care, don't you? You will turn the power back on, won't you?
Power and Light man : Lady, that was beautiful, really terrific. I've been here seven years, and that's the best I've heard yet. Great performance. But look, all is not lost. Thrifti-Mart is open 24 hours.
Elaine : What good will that do?
Power and Light man : They sell beautiful candles!
[hangs up the phone and laughs hysterically]
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Elaine : I'd go to bed with the garbage collector if he said the right things.
