- Lt. Herschel: I don't believe it. Two homicides last night, a million dollars worth of smack in the area and you can't find anything on them.
- Sgt. Murphy: Lieutenant, we searched that car from top to bottom. They're clean!
- Lt. Herschel: I don't believe it. We've got Lonigan right here in the station. Lonigan, who would tear the hands of a baby for a few bucks. Tony, I don't give a shit about, since he's only the faggot in the lot.
- Sgt. Murphy: Lieutenant, what do you want us to do? We held them over twenty-four hours. We've got to let 'em go.
- Lt. Herschel: All right.
- [walks over to Lonigan and Tony]
- Lt. Herschel: Well, unfortunately, you two are free to go.
- Lonigan: Lt. Herschel, if you're the fair man I think you are, you owe myself and my associate here an apology.
- Lt. Herschel: Lonigan, old buddy, let me tell you something. A little number down in the alley last night has your name written all over it. Now, I don't know where you ditched the stuff, but you're lucky you came clean because if my boys found so much as a pocketknife, you and Greaseball would be our permanent guests in the big house.
- Lonigan: [laughing hysterically] Yeah! The big house? How about Little House on the Prairie? We even got a Kojak in here!
- Lt. Herschel: Get out of here, Lonigan. Take Scumbag with you.
- Tony: [offended] Hey, look...
- Lonigan: Icy calm. Icy calm. Bye!
- [Lonigan is still laughing when he and Tony leave]
- Abigail Bratowski: [the three are walking out of the courthouse to their car] It's a good thing I wasn't there. I would have castrated them both.
- Lonigan: That's exactly why you were left out of it.
- Abigail Bratowski: Left out? Look, buddy, I'm running this outfit. I stayed back because I wanted to. Don't forget that!
- Lonigan: Abby, Abby, quit busting my balls, will you, please?
- Tony: All right, all right, will you two just cool it? Let's go pick up the stuff, huh?
- Abigail Bratowski: Listen, shrimp, if you want to have your teeth knocked down your throat, just keep up the comedy routine.
- Lonigan: She's right! Don't pull your string, dummy! Get in the car!
- Healey Driver: [after seeing Abagail standing on the side of the road] Hey, baby, you want some fast company?
- Irate Driver: Crazy bastards! People like that should be locked up!
- [he rear ends a car in front of him]
- Old Man in Car: [Elmo speeds past them on a motorbike] Look at that idiot! One of them Hell's Angels. They ought to run them off the road.
- Young Girl in Car: That's no Hell's Angel, it's just a motorcyclist.
- Old Man in Car: Well, they drive like a Hell's Angel.
- Young Girl in Car: Well, you're only going 20 miles an hour.
- Old Man in Car: I'm driving safe, that's what I'm doing!
- Young Girl in Car: Oh, Ralph, you're such a complainer.
- [Abagail appears and drives up the back down to the front of their car, much to their amazement and shock]
- Tony: [after finding out Abigail has killed Lonigan and plans to shoot Tony] Now, wait a minute, Abigail. Wait just one minute.
- Abigail Bratowski: Stuff it, shrimp.
- Tony: It was Lonigan's idea. I tried to talk him out of it.
- Abigail Bratowski: [Abigail aims her gun at Tony, but it clicks empty] You know, if I knew you had the sense to cross me, I would have blown your guts out a long time ago.
- Tony: [chuckles nervously] Hey, I was with you all the way, Abby, I, uh, mean, Abigail.
- Abigail Bratowski: Stick Icy Calm's body in the back and we'll dump it, later, in the nearest toilet.
- Al: Crawl down behind the seats.
- Elmo: What?
- Al: Well, the car is already a different color. They're looking for two guys. Let's make it a guy and girl. Now, crawl down behind the seats.
- Elmo: Well, hey, I'd rather drive.
- Al: You ruined my day and you ruined my car. Now, get your ass behind those seats before I ruin your life!
- Elmo: Pardon me while I climb behind the seats.
- Tony: [after shooting Abigail] I don't share a million bucks with nobody, especially some crazy broad.
- Lonigan: [after Abigail breaks up a bar fight by shooting her gun into the air] Everybody stay down! The girl is mentally ill!
- Tony: [when they wind up letting Al and Elmo escape from the bar] We're in such deep shit.
- Lonigan: You know why we're in deep shit?
- Tony: Why?
- Lonigan: We broke Lonigan's Law, that's why. Never mix B&B.
- Tony: [confused] That's a drink, right?
- Lonigan: Oh, Christ, when you're talking, you ain't learning. Business and broads. The bottom line is when this is over: Abigail, Acapulco. Up to her ass in banana daquiris and beach boys. You and me: a trash bin in East St. Louis. Well, I'm not gonna let it happen, all right? It's not gonna happen to us.
- [last lines]
- Al: Hey, wait a minute! We still have to return that money to the police.
- Elmo: Well, if that what you think's best.
- Al: It's not ours. We have to.
- Elmo: I know that.
- Al: Do you have a better plan?
- Elmo: I thought about this. Wait, wait, wait, you're going to love this. Al, you ready? Bolivia.
- Al: [Exasperated] Oh, no. I knew I didn't want to hear it.
- Elmo: Well, I knew you'd love it.
- [laughs]
- Abigail Bratowski: Something bothering you, fatso?
- Man in Elevator: I, uh, I beg your pardon?
- Abigail Bratowski: You got a problem, asshole?
- Man in Elevator: Well... uh...
- Lt. Herschel: [after seeing the charred wreck of the police car] Jesus, I haven't seen anything like this since Korea.
- Sgt. Murphy: Yeah, they didn't stand a chance. What in the hell did they use, anyway, a goddamn bazooka?
- Lt. Herschel: What do you mean, what did they use? Weren't you listening to Klugman? That's what we pay him two grand a year for. It was an Armalite with explosive shells.
- Sgt. Murphy: Well, who uses those damn things, anyway?
- Lt. Herschel: Abigail Bratowski. That's her M.O. Lonigan and that asshole buddy of his run with her, sometimes.
- Sgt. Murphy: Bratowski. Boy, that dame is trouble.
- Lt. Herschel: No shit. Next to Abigail Bratowski, Ma Barker was a nun.
- Sgt. Murphy: [confused] A nun?
- Dew Drop Inn Waitress: [after Elmo accidentally makes Al rips out the receiver in the phone booth] Hey, you freaks! What have you done to the phone?
- Al: Do you have another phone? This one seems to be out of order.
- Elmo: [hastily] Al, will you just get over here, please?
- Al: [annoyed] Elmo, what the hell is going on? We agreed to call the police!
- Elmo: [softly] Just keep it down, will you? Keep it down. Look at this.
- Al: [after looking at the bag of heroin] Is that what I think it is?
- Elmo: [Elmo takes a lick of the heroin, then looks disgusted] What's this stuff supposed to taste like? This is awful.
- Al: There's gotta be another phone somewhere?
- Elmo: You're not still going to call the cops, are you?
- Al: Well, why not?
- Elmo: Look, we may have been able to explain our way out of the rest of this mess, but not this stuff.
- Al: Elmo, we haven't done anything wrong.
- Elmo: Yeah, well, you know that and I know that, but evidently, the cops don't know or they still wouldn't be shooting at us, right?
- Al: Yeah, I guess so.
- Elmo: Look, what we got here is a one-way ticket out of his burg. We play our cards right, we're set for life.
- Al: How much do you think that stuff's worth?
- Elmo: [confused] I don't know. Thousands, maybe millions, but the way I see it, we got two choices: we can be rich or we can be dead. I'd rather be rich.
- Al: You make a good point. Let's get the hell out of here.
- Lonigan: [Abigail joins Lonigan and Tony at the construction site] Well, well, look who's here. It's the devil in drag.
- Abigail Bratowski: What the hell is going on here?
- Tony: [angrily, while trying to dig the gravel out from under the tires of their car] Don't start anything, Abigail! I mean it! Don't start!
- Abigail Bratowski: Where's Blondie and the 'Vette?
- Lonigan: [mocking] Where's Blondie and the 'Vette? Where's Blondie and the 'Vette? I can't start this goddamn bulldozer! Can you? We're stuck!
- Tony: [to Abigail] Did you get the jacket?
- Abigail Bratowski: No! What's so important about the jacket?
- Tony: Oh, Christ, the homer's in the jacket!
- Abigail Bratowski: [furious and grabs Tony by the shirt] You little fart! Why didn't you tell me? Oh, god, now we're right back to where we started!
- Lonigan: Okay, just cool it, cool it!
- [looks around]
- Lonigan: Where's Rosco?
- Abigail Bratowski: I smoked the tub of lard.
- Lonigan: [confused] You what?
- Abigail Bratowski: I smoked him!
- Lonigan: [still confused] You smoked him.
- Tony: She killed him?
- Police: Hey! Lt. Herschel! There's another one in the backseat with an ice pick in his neck.
- Lt. Herschel: [confused] An ice pick?
- [the policeman hands him the bloodied ice pick from Lonigan's neck and cleans it off with his hanker chief]
- Lt. Herschel: Looks like Lonigan and Tony double-crossed the dame and she tracked them down.
- Sgt. Murphy: Well, she's a persistent dame. Hell, she tore up half the countryside.
- Lt. Herschel: [gives Lonigan's dead body a friendly pat on the back] Tough luck, Lonigan.
- Abigail Bratowski: [when chasing the gang] They went down the other side!
- Tony: I don't need a play-by-play. I can see.
- Lonigan: [Lonigan goes into Bug's repair office] Hello, Bug. Have you got a minute?
- Bug: [removes a magnifying eyepiece from his glasses] Lonigan?
- Lonigan: You got new specs. Listen, snooper, did you sell a tracking homing device to a guy, a couple of days ago? A pretty good size. I wouldn't forget him.
- Bug: All my clients are confidential. You know that.
- [Lonigan pulls out his gun and shoots a oscilloscope on a nearby shelf, frying it]
- Bug: Hey! That's a two-thousand dollar oscilloscope! Hey, come on, all this equipment's priceless!
- Lonigan: [pointing at another machine] How much is that?
- Bug: Fourteen-hundred dollars.
- [Lonigan shoots the machine]
- Bug: All right, look. I made up a unit like that, last week, for a guy.
- Lonigan: For who?
- Bug: Uh... Mr. Smith?
- Lonigan: [chuckles] That's why I love you, Bug. You got so much imagination.
- Bug: [chuckles slightly] Hey, look, I told you. All my clients are confidential.
- [Lonigan points his gun at his face and Big quickly grabs a homing device from behind]
- Bug: This is the unit i gave him. It's just a standard model.
- Lonigan: Will it work out the same sender?
- Bug: [adjusting the device with his screwdriver] It will now, but, you know, you gotta be within three miles of the transmitter.
- Lonigan: Bug...
- [takes Bug's glasses off]
- Lonigan: these glasses. They're not you.
- [drops them on the floor and crushes them with his foot]
- Lonigan: I'll be seeing you.
- Abigail Bratowski: Put your foot into it.
- Lonigan: I got a squirrel in a treadmill under the hood! I can't catch them!
- Lonigan: All right, we gotta think logically here. We've been on this road for three miles. Correct? No side roads, no Corvette. I can't figure it.
- Tony: Well, why are we stopping here?
- Lonigan: [pointing at the dash] You see that light on the dashboard?
- Tony: The one red?
- Lonigan: Yeah. What's it say?
- Tony: Says it's hot.
- Lonigan: And?
- Tony: We stop to let the engine cool down, huh?
- Lonigan: [sarcastically] Fantastic.
- Police: [after pulling over Al and Elmo for speeding] A.J. Foyt, Bobby Unser. Let me see your license.
- Al: [flabbergasted, after the car has been sloppily repainted] That's Barracuda Blue?
- Painter: That's thirty-nine ninety-five. Forty-one sixty-four with tax.
- Al: Pay the man.
- Elmo: What?
- Al: It was your idea. Pay him.
- Elmo: I got seven bucks.
- Al: Give him a check.
- Painter: No way. I've got enough of those left over from last year. No money, no car and I've got a mechanic's clean on that thing.
- Girl: [the hitchhiker gives the painter the money] Here. My treat. Come on.
- Elmo: [dejectedly] Okay, great job. Keep the change.
- Lonigan: [to Abigail, who is trying to work the tracking device] What is this, the scenic tour? Can you work that thing or not?
- Abigail Bratowski: Try further south.
- Lonigan: We've been going south for thirty minutes!
- Elmo: [deleted scene, Elmo thinks Al scared off the hitchhiker from the body shop thanks to his rant] You know, that's really great! She overheard you and now she's gone! I kind of thought she was all right.
- Al: Elmo, this is reality, man! Look, we don't have to have a girl in the car just because you see it in the movies. I'm glad she's gone. We're better off without her.
- [the hitchhiker re-enters the shop office, much to Al's surprise]
- Girl: You guys are really anxious to get rid of me.
- Al: Hey, uh, I'm really sorry. I'd thought you'd left.
- Girl: You know, if the car's hot, which I gather from your conversation it is, the plates are gonna give it away, no matter what color you make it. So I grabbed these off a wreck out back.
- [a shocked Al notices a few license plates inside her backpack]
- Al: I can't believe I'm standing here listening to this! All of a sudden, I'm running with Bonnie and Clyde!
- Tony: [Tony and Lonigan is staking out the body shop] Hey, shouldn't we go in after them?
- Lonigan: What happened the last time we involved a joint that was full of people?
- Tony: Oh, yeah. Okay, okay. What the hell are they doing in there, anyway?
- Lonigan: What's the sign on the building say, Tony?
- Tony: [looking into binoculars] Auto Painting.
- Lonigan: They're painting the car, Tony.