The Love God? (1969)
Don Knotts: Abner Audubon Peacock IV
Photos
Quotes
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Abner Audubon Peacock IV : B-But I wouldn't know the first thing about publishing filth.
Shrader : You're young, you can learn!
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Abner Audubon Peacock IV : And while Peacock's magazine may be gone, it's spirit will - will live on in the song of Bobolink and the peep of the Tufted Titmouse...
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Abner Audubon Peacock IV : Mrs. Tremaine, bird lover? Well, then, you must know that - well, I don't mean to brag or anything - but, you gotta be pretty good on your mating calls to get the birds to come close enough to you to get the really great pictures. You know, they come flyin' right in there toward you expecting - well, you know - and then instead: snap!
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Abner Audubon Peacock IV : Erica Lane.
Lisa LaMonica : We're using her on the cover of our first issue. Nude, of course.
Abner Audubon Peacock IV : Nude! Nude?
Lisa LaMonica : Of course!
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Lisa LaMonica : I know all about you, Abner Peacock. What every woman in that courtroom knows, what every woman who saw you on television knows. Now, let's not play games, Mr. Peacock.
Abner Audubon Peacock IV : What are you talking about?
Lisa LaMonica : You know very well what I'm talking about. The fact that you possess a *fantastic* sexual magnetism. A *sexual* attraction that has stirred the women of this country like nothing before. A sexual excitement that even I - ! Even I...
Abner Audubon Peacock IV : Uh, Miss LaMonica...
Lisa LaMonica : Are you happy, Abner Peacock? You made me say it. You have the satisfaction of watching a hard boiled Lisa LaMonica panting like some *hot* breath teenager! Is your male vanity appeased? Or, are you cruel enough to make me say it again?
[presses her body next to Abner's]
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Lisa LaMonica : Abner, you're the whole ball of wax! The public will only accept the fact that the "Peacock" is the world's number one swinging magazine if they believe that the man behind it is the world's number one swinger. You: Abner Peacock.
Abner Audubon Peacock IV : Oh, me, a swinger?
[chuckles]
Abner Audubon Peacock IV : Miss LaMonica, I - I never swung.
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Lisa LaMonica : Mr. Peacock, can you think of a stitch of anything that Miss Erica Lane could possibly wear that would be more beautiful than what it's covering?
Abner Audubon Peacock IV : Than what it's covering? Well - eh, no.
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Lisa LaMonica : Oh, these are your world famous Peacock Pussycats.
Abner Audubon Peacock IV : My, eh, pussycats?
Lisa LaMonica : Yes, they'll be with you wherever you go, 24 hours a day. Sherry, Delilah, Toma, and Ingrid.
Abner Audubon Peacock IV : [waves] Hey.
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Abner Audubon Peacock IV : Miss LaMonica, this whole business is pretty silly about me, eh, being a...
Lisa LaMonica : Sex symbol?
Abner Audubon Peacock IV : I mean, I - I'm just an ordinary guy who has a - well - a certain amount of - but, I still consider myself a decent, eh...
[Lisa slowly walks towards Abner]
Abner Audubon Peacock IV : Miss LaMonica? Eh, Miss LaMonica...
[Lisa aggressively kisses Abner]
Lisa LaMonica : Promise me you'll never let me do that again.
Abner Audubon Peacock IV : Well, I...
Lisa LaMonica : Promise me that! Promise me, if I even so much as touch you, you'll hit me, slap me, anything to stop me!
Abner Audubon Peacock IV : I prom...
Lisa LaMonica : In the name of heaven, don't let me destroy the independence that I worked so hard to achieve all of my life. Just because for the first time in my life I've met the only man who... Promise me! Promise me!
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Lisa LaMonica : Now, onto your penthouse.
[walks in with Abner]
Lisa LaMonica : We haven't had much time. We're still putting it all together.
[Abner observes the red walls, paintings of nude women, sculptures of nude couples embracing]
Lisa LaMonica : We're going to keep your pussy cats in there.
Abner Audubon Peacock IV : My, eh, eh, pussy cats?
Lisa LaMonica : It's all very obvious, of course. But, then when you're trying to personify blatant sex, it usually is.
Abner Audubon Peacock IV : Oh, how true.
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Abner Audubon Peacock IV : There's something about me that you don't know. What I mean is, I'm cursed with an abnormal sexual magnetism for women.
Rose Ellen Wilkerson : You?
Abner Audubon Peacock IV : It's fact, Rose Ellen. I biological fact. And I got to face that.
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Abner Audubon Peacock IV : Don't touch me, Rose Ellen. Don't dirty yourself.
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Abner Audubon Peacock IV : You should have stopped me.
Lisa LaMonica : Oh, no. Oh, no, I - I never knew such heaven could exist.