- Theodore 'Ted' Rogers: Well, my mother loves me.
- Bill Miller: I'll bet she was disappointed. I'll bet she wanted a child.
- Theodore 'Ted' Rogers: She got one. Look up the records. I was born at Mercy Hospital.
- Bill Miller: Were you sick?
- Theodore 'Ted' Rogers: No, I wanted to be near my mother.
- [Ted is drunk]
- Mary Turner: [whispering] Don't you think Ted has had enough?
- Theodore 'Ted' Rogers: You whisperin' about me?
- Bill Miller: Oh, no. What gives you that idea?
- Theodore 'Ted' Rogers: I don't know. Am I being very extraordinary
- [hiccups]
- Theodore 'Ted' Rogers: "Extraordinary". That's a funny one.
- [drinks more champagne]
- Mary Turner: How do you feel?
- Theodore 'Ted' Rogers: I feel very... gling glong. Thank you.
- Bill Miller: Gling glong?
- Theodore 'Ted' Rogers: Bill love Mary? Huh?
- [Bill nods]
- Theodore 'Ted' Rogers: That's right. Mary love Bill? Huh?
- [Mary nods]
- Theodore 'Ted' Rogers: That's right. Cause I love the both of you.
- Mary Turner: I'll turn the covers down.
- Theodore 'Ted' Rogers: She'll turn the covers down.
- Bill Miller: And you'll go right to bed.
- Theodore 'Ted' Rogers: Bed? Ha. What's playin' there?
- Theodore 'Ted' Rogers: Hello, ma! Hey ma, look at me! I'm in Mr. Sutherland's Review! No! No, ma, I'll keep my clothes on.
- Bill Miller: Mrs. Miller, we're going out and celebrating.
- Mary Turner: At this hour?
- Bill Miller: Sure, I'll find a club open, or I'll open one!
- Mary Turner: Now what would people say? A big star seen out in public with his own wife. It's too normal.
- Bill Miller: We'll take Ted along as a chaperone.
- [They kiss. Ted blushes.]
- Theodore 'Ted' Rogers: Well, I can't help it. It's so romantic.
- Sam Robertson: [Referring to Ted Rogers] Tell me the truth -- do you honestly think he's human?
- Miss Regan, Robertson's Secretary: I've heard people bet both ways.
- Theodore 'Ted' Rogers: [to Frecklehead] How long have you had freckles?
- Genevieve 'Frecklehead' Tait: All my life! I hate them!
- Theodore 'Ted' Rogers: Well, I think they are very becoming.
- Genevieve 'Frecklehead' Tait: [Angrily] Shows what you know!
- Mary Turner: You'll keep on looking out for him, won't you, Leo?
- Leo Lyman: For ten percent, I'd look after my own mother-in-law.
- Sam Robertson: Is he bleeding, Ms. Regan?
- Ms. Regan: No, I don't think so.
- Sam Robertson: Oh, too bad.