Never Give a Sucker an Even Break (1941)

Jody Gilbert: The Waitress

Quotes 

• The Great Man : I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.

  Waitress : You're as funny as a cry for help.

• Waitress : And another thing. Don't be so free with your hands.

  The Great Man : Listen, honey. I was only trying to guess your weight. You take things too seriously.

• Waitress : You know, there's something awfully big about you.

  The Great Man : Hunh-huh. Thank you, dear, thank you, dear, thaank...

  Waitress : [Interrupting]  Your nose!

  Waitress : [after she turns her back to him, he stares at her derriere]  Something awfully big about you too!

• Waitress : [to the Great Man]  You're as funny as a cry for help! You also pulled that old gag about breaking your fork in the gravy!

• The Great Man : Have, uh, you any imported cigars?

  Waitress : 'Stingeroos', four for a nickel.

  The Great Man : Oh, that's fine. As long as they're imported.

  [she holds out box of cigars, he takes four] 

  The Great Man : You know, if anybody ever comes in here and gives you a ten dollar tip... uh, scrutinize it carefully. There's a lot of that counterfeit money going around.

  [she holds out her hand for the money for the cigars] 

  The Great Man : I'll give you the dough. Don't...

  [puts a coin in her hand] 

  The Great Man : Here... there.

  Waitress : If I get any counterfeit nickels or pennies, I'll know where they came from

• Waitress : Well, baloney-mahooney-malarky! You big Kabloona!

  The Great Man : Kabloona? I haven't been called that for two days.

• Waitress : [seeing him take another man's hat from the coatrack]  Aren't you a little confused?

  The Great Man : Aw, in which way?

  Waitress : Your hat.

  The Great Man : Oh! Thanks a thousand times. Yes. I mistook it. Thank you.

• The Great Man : [paying his bill at the restaurant]  What's the amount of the insult?

  Waitress : It'll be 35 cents.

• Waitress : You're so clever.

  The Great Man : Who told you I was clever?

  Waitress : Oh, all your friends at the studio told me.

  The Great Man : Oh, drat! I told 'em not tell you.