- 'Pug' Braddock: [after unsuccessfully trying to kiss Patty while parked at the "smoochin' spot"] Emotional little bundle, aren't ya?
- Patty Marlow: No, I'm the intellectual type.
- 'Pug' Braddock: Hmm...
- Patty Marlow: But you're gonna be very grateful to me before this night's over.
- 'Pug' Braddock: Yeah, I...
- [looks surprised]
- 'Pug' Braddock: Well, that's more like it!
- [tries to kiss Patty again]
- Patty Marlow: [blocks Pug with her elbow to his neck] Oh, I'm sorry.
- 'Pug' Braddock: Where'd ya learn that bit of jiu-jitsu?
- Miss May: Mr Drews, you've got to pick her this time.
- Joe Drews: Pick who?
- Miss May: Miss Marlow.
- Joe Drews: Which one is she?
- Miss May: I've been pointing her out to you ever since we started - the one over there with the cute face.
- Joe Drews: Something must be wrong with me today, I can't even see their faces.
- Miss May: But this is so unfair. Miss Marlow is obviously the best dancer in my class and yet you...
- Joe Drews: Alright, Jenny, we'll consider it.
- [to Freddy, who shrugs]
- Joe Drews: What do you think?
- Joe Drews: [pointing to a fat girl] How about those two girls on the end?
- Miss May: That's just one girl. How could you possibly consider her?
- Joe Drews: Why not? It's terrific value!
- Joe Drews: What does "Dancing Co-Ed" suggest to you?
- H.W. Workman: Headache!
- Joe Drews: Right, college girl. Now, my idea is to hold a contest. Visualize. Think of all the college girls in the United States jitterbugging from coast to coast.
- Newscaster: Workman has committed himself to the extent of a million dollars for his projected production of "Dancing Co-Ed", which was to have featured the dancing Tobins.
- Joe Drews: All's we need is a dancing partner for Freddy. I know we can't get Powell or Rogers or any of those; so, our best bet is an unknown.
- Newscaster: I'd give up a basket full of address books to be in California this minute. Hollywood to be exact: Movie Mecca. The land of giant redwoods and deadwoods.
- 'Pops' Marlow: Forget Hollywood, baby. It's a crummy town. They do it all with mirrors. This is the life: the stage!
- Freddy Tobin: How do I know she can dance?
- Joe Drews: Sam, beyond that door there's a piano, play it. Patty, in the same room there's a floor, tap it. Freddy, that amazing room also has a chair, sit on it!
- Joe Drews: Sam, you're staying right here in your own stomping ground and I'll take care of you in the style to which you've been accustomed.
- 'Pops' Marlow: Oh, no you don't. None of that cheap stuff for me.
- Joe Drews: Here's the answer to all your worries. The problem's solved.
- Freddy Tobin: I don't get it.
- Joe Drews: Look, let's say I'm a farmer and I've got ambitions to grow artichokes. And you come along, an old artichoke grower, and tell me they're tough to raise. Am I dumb? Never mind, I'll answer myself, "No." So, just in case my artichoke crops a flop, I plant potatoes too. And Patty's our potato.
- Patty Marlow: What?
- Joe Drews: Honey, you're about to be planted.
- H.W. Workman: If you give birth to babies, I've got to give birth to ideas. Now, let's respect each others property.
- Joe Drews: So help me Michael, if Freddy don't like the kid after all this, I'm going to take the first boat to the south seas and spend the rest of my life splitting hairs with a meat ax!
- Patty Marlow: Don't you think its on the level?
- 'Pug' Braddock: On the level? You don't suppose Monarch Studios is going to gamble a million bucks on one of you knock-kneed twerps.
- Freddy Tobin: Hi ya, heartbeats, this is Freddy Tobin speaking. I'm here for a very special reason tonight and its noisy news for co-eds all over the United States. Monarch Studio has decided to sponsor a nationwide co-ed contest. We're going to pick one of you right off the campus. And whoever you are, you'll be starred in "Dancing Co-Ed." Well, lassies, that's the news. This is the biggest picture of the year girls. So, practice. Dance till your arches ache! Cause we're coming out to find you.
- 'Pug' Braddock: Well, you heard what the man said. Go on, get hysterical.
- Patty Marlow: I can't. It gives me hiccups.
- 'Pug' Braddock: Didn't that announcement do anything to you? What's the matter? You're feet tongue-tied?
- Patty Marlow: They won't talk.
- 'Pug' Braddock: She'll have the eyes, ears, nose and throat of a co-ed; but not the legs. She'll have the legs of a regular professional dancer.
- 'Pug' Braddock: Gosh, Patty, it looks like you swallowed a sunset! Well, when the Chief saw you, steam started rising from his collar.
- Patty Marlow: His boiling point's pretty low.
- Housemother Listening to Beethoven: Sit down, girls. Would you like to hear the Ninth Symphony?
- Patty Marlow: The Ninth? What's the use. We've already missed the first eight.
- Patty Marlow: I like it here. I want to educate myself.
- Eve: Most of a hoofer's brain should be in her feet.
- President Cavendish: Your idea of humor, I'm afraid Miss Marlow, has been somewhat warped by our modern trend towards vulgarism.
- 'Pug' Braddock: Look, Pee Wee, this is your last chance to ask questions. Now, are you sure you got everything straight?
- [Pee Wee winks]
- 'Pug' Braddock: Queer little duck.
- 'Pug' Braddock: Hey turn off that fan!
- Chief Evans: Sorry, Pug. Wrong plug. Wrong plug, sorry Pug. Hmm. Not bad.
- Patty Marlow: Pug, what's the distance between here and Russia?
- 'Pug' Braddock: It's a lot longer than the distance between here and Friday.
- Patty Marlow: Oh, but, Pug!
- 'Pug' Braddock: Oh, what's the use, Patty? This idea was cockeyed from the start.
- Patty Marlow: [holding up her 'snappy' audition costume] This is it. I guess Joe thinks that this will catch Workman's eye.
- Eve: Catch it? It'll play ping pong with it. Oh, Patty, that thing's a positive home wrecker!
- Joe Drews: That's great. That's gratitude. People don't even wait for you to bend over any more before they kick you in the pants.
- Joe Drews: And so the zero hour has finally arrived. First girl up is that lovely little package: Miss 'Toots' Martin.