Libeled Lady (1936)
William Powell: Bill Chandler
Photos
Quotes
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Bill Chandler : I thought that was rather clever of me.
Connie Allenbury : Yes, I thought you thought so.
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Warren Haggerty : Would I ask you to do this thing for me if I didn't consider you practically my wife?
Gladys : Would you ask your wife to hook up with that ape?
Bill Chandler : The ape objects.
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Bill Chandler : [Raises a glass of champagne] To my little bride.
Gladys : I hope you choke on it.
Bill Chandler : Oh, darling.
Gladys : Don't call me darling. You know what my name is.
Bill Chandler : Of course - Mrs. William Chandler.
Gladys : I'd just as soon have a number.
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Warren Haggerty : I knew I was a sap.
Bill Chandler : That's right, you were. But you'll get your money's worth.
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Warren Haggerty : Why, there isn't a newspaper in the world that would hire me as an office boy, would they Bill?
Bill Chandler : Not if they knew you like I do.
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Gladys : I'll miss my little Billy-kins.
Bill Chandler : And I'll miss my little fuzzy-face.
[the bellboy and waiter are standing agape, eating this stuff up]
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Bill Chandler : I'm afraid that dancing isn't exactly my line.
Connie Allenbury : I should say it was part of your line.
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Bill Chandler : May I be frank, too?
Connie Allenbury : Why not?
Bill Chandler : You dance superbly.
Connie Allenbury : I was hoping for something original.
Bill Chandler : Oh, dear, life is so full of disappointments.
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Gladys : [Flowers arrive for her] For me, Billy-kins?
Bill Chandler : Yes, my little fuzzy-wuzzy, fuzzy-wuzzy.
Gladys : Oh, they're lovely. Thank you, sugar pie.
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Gladys : You are a strange egg.
Bill Chandler : I'll bet you say that to all the boys.
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Bill Chandler : You're a sweet kid, Gladys.
Gladys : You're not such a cluck yourself.
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Connie Allenbury : [Bill is holding the reins of a horse] Bill, what is it?
Bill Chandler : It's a horse. C'est un cheval. Es ist ein Pferd. Es un caballo.
Connie Allenbury : Let's stop clowning.
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Warren Haggerty : Where did you go when you left us Bill?
Bill Chandler : Intelligence Department Warren, I always did like contrast. Well, Cheerio!
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Bill Chandler : Still at the Star? Old man hasn't gotten wise to ya yet, huh? Well, one of these days you'll be out on your ear and then the Star will be a first-class sheet.
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Bill Chandler : During the six months I was on the Star, I saved you all told some $300,000. What did I get? A hundred and 25 bucks a week.
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Warren Haggerty : Aw, come on now. You mustn't fight.
Bill Chandler : Why not? We're married.
Warren Haggerty : Well, you're supposed to be happily married. You're supposed to be crazy in love with each other.
Gladys : Yeah, and I must have been crazy to let you marry me off to another guy.
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Bill Chandler : You know, it just dawned on me that I seem to have made myself a permanent member of your party.
Connie Allenbury : Yes. It's dawned on me too.
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Connie Allenbury : How'd you like a swim in the moonlight?
Bill Chandler : Swim?
Connie Allenbury : Later on. You do swim?
Bill Chandler : Oh, yes. Almost as well as I dance.
Connie Allenbury : Then you'll drown.
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Bill Chandler : My intimates call me, "Polar Bear" Chandler.
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Bill Chandler : You know, you're one girl in a million.
Gladys : You don't know the tenth of it.
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Connie Allenbury : I do very well for the back streets, but you're ashamed to be seen with me in public.
Bill Chandler : Certainly. A gal who smears mustard all over her chin.
[He wipes her chin]
Connie Allenbury : Thanks. Beautiful now?
Bill Chandler : No. Just clean.
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Gladys : [Putting on a show for a bellhop and waiter] Oh, Bee-yill, there's a telegram for you.
Bill Chandler : [From the bedroom] Oh, thanks sweetness. Would you open it for me honeykins?
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Bill Chandler : Why, grandma, what big muscles you've got.
Connie Allenbury : The better to sock you with, grandpa.
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Bill Chandler : Cheerio.
Warren Haggerty : Wait a minute, what's your hurry?
Bill Chandler : Breakfast time.
Warren Haggerty : Breakfast can wait. I got an idea.
Bill Chandler : I'll take breakfast.
Warren Haggerty : I want to talk to you.
Bill Chandler : Why, Warren, you weren't like that when I left.
Warren Haggerty : This is a proposition.
Bill Chandler : Not before breakfast.
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Bill Chandler : [Haggerty comes up behind and pokes him in the back] Warren Haggerty! From Brooklyn to Bombay, a stab in the back spells Haggerty.
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Bill Chandler : That, say I, is the fine Italian hand of Haggerty - the bull in a China closet.
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Gladys : You can't leave me. Bill, you mustn't leave me.
Bill Chandler : Oh, baby. This is terrible, breaking into our honeymoon like this.
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Connie Allenbury : Oh, dad's a grand judge of character. He placed you right away. Impetuous, friendly, enthusiastic, guileless.
Bill Chandler : Guileless? Not too sure about that.
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Bill Chandler : Don't apologize for suspecting people, Connie. Keep right on. Ring every coin you meet. There are lots of wooden nickels in circulation.
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Warren Haggerty : What a lady-killer you are. One look at you and the gal disappears.
Bill Chandler : Say, don't worry. Rome wasn't built in a day.
Warren Haggerty , Bill Chandler : No. It didn't cost $5 million either.
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Gladys : You dance divinely.
Bill Chandler : Oh, thanks. There have been complaints.
Gladys : Then you must've been out with amateurs.
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Connie Allenbury : Are you amendable to reason?
Bill Chandler : Uh huh.
Connie Allenbury : Then you will come to my charity bazaar?
Bill Chandler : Nope!
Connie Allenbury : You turn me down for the horse show.
Bill Chandler : But I ride with you every morning.
Connie Allenbury : You scorned my bid to a concert.
Bill Chandler : But I strum my guitar 'neath thy window each eve.
Connie Allenbury : And now you refuse my invitation for tomorrow night.
Bill Chandler : But I'm dining with you and father this evening.
Connie Allenbury : Mm hmm. It's your last meal, my lad. I'm beginning to tumble.
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Warren Haggerty : A fine mess you made of this. And all because you tried to steal Gladys.
Bill Chandler : [Stammering] I... Say, I wouldn't try to steal Gladys if she was the last female on earth.
Warren Haggerty : Female, huh? That does it. You can't stand there and insult Gladdie.
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Warren Haggerty : You know, you've had this coming for a long time.
Bill Chandler : [Both men take off their jackets] Yes, and I've been looking forward to it.
Warren Haggerty : We'll settle it right now.
Bill Chandler : With interest.
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Bill Chandler : I know all about her. Title-crazy, with a fatheaded old father to buy her in and out. America's international playgirl. That's her rep - and she thinks it's worth $5 million. When I get through with her, she'll take five cents.
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Bill Chandler : Now, here's the plan. Allenburys are in London. So I sail for England at once.
Warren Haggerty : But they're coming back in 10 days.
Bill Chandler : That's why I'm sailing, to come back with them. Five days on a boat. Anything can happen on a boat. I meet the girl. Perhaps she comes to my cabin.
Warren Haggerty : Oh, no, no, no. Not this girl.
Bill Chandler : Only for a cocktail. Perfectly innocent to her, to me, to everyone on the boat. Except our private detective, who radios my wife.
Warren Haggerty : You got a wife?
Bill Chandler : No. This is a setup, not a confession. But we hire some attractive girl to marry me and when the time comes, she stages a pretty little scene over her erring husband and sues Connie for alienation of affection.
Warren Haggerty : That's it. That's it! The Star called Connie a husband-stealer and she denies it. All right, we duplicate the situation. Only this time she does steal a husband. This time, we're right!
Bill Chandler : Let her go to bat with a libel suit after that and see what she collects.
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Gladys : I won't be quiet! The things I've taken for that newspaper, Warren Haggerty. But, this gets the blue ribbon. Trying to marry me off to that - to that baboon!
Bill Chandler : Say, let's not deal in personality.
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Bill Chandler : Afraid I wasn't concentrating. It was your eyes.
Connie Allenbury : Beautiful, aren't they?
Bill Chandler : They remind me...
Connie Allenbury : Yes. Yes, I know. Sparkling diamonds, deep sapphires.
Bill Chandler : No. No, they remind me of - angry marbles.
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Warren Haggerty : It will be all right Gladys.
Gladys : You mean you're going to leave me here alone?
Bill Chandler : I'm here.
Warren Haggerty : Darling, it'll be all right. It's just a business arrangement.
Gladys : Well, it's mighty funny business if you ask me.
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Gladys : Hey, where are you going?
Bill Chandler : To get some bed clothes. I'm sleeping out here.
Gladys : Well...
Warren Haggerty : You see, it'll be all right. Bill out here. You in there.
Gladys : Warren Haggerty, do you mean to tell me that you're willing for me, your fiancée, the girl which you love...
Warren Haggerty : Now, Gladys, please.
Gladys : Listen, I've done plenty for you and the Evening Star, but, there's a time to draw a line and I'm drawing it!
Warren Haggerty : Darling, there's nothing to worry about. I tell ya, I trust Bill like he was a brother!
Gladys : Yeah, but, he isn't my brother!
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Bill Chandler : You know, you're a funny kid. That's what you seem like up here, a kid. Very different from the girl I met on the boat.
Connie Allenbury : I feel different. This place, it's all tied up with my childhood. The trees, the air, the water. Even the frogs. I'm mad about frogs.
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Bill Chandler : I just can't make him out. I can understand he's tossing me to the dogs for the paper. But when he does it to the girl he loves!
Gladys : Who's tossing who to what dogs?