Woman Haters (1934)

Monte Collins: Mr. Zero

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Club Chairman : Gentlemen, please, the meeting is called to order, and we need quiet, not a riot, otherwise we can't proceed. Listen, you woman haters, we meet for the seventh time, to convince each member of the club that romance is a crime! If you have any questions or any suggestions that you'd like to make today, or if you have a notion to offer a motion, let's hear what you have to say. Come, speak up like a hero, your speech need not be rehearsed. Who's that? Oh, yes, it's Mr. Zero!

  Mr. Zero : All right, I'll speak up first!

  [applause] 

  Mr. Zero : I'll give you my opinion of the opposite sex: When a man marries a girl, he has to work while she relaxes. Some smart-aleck wrote a book, "The Woman Always Pays". Yeah, she pays for perfume, powder, paint, and every silly craze. But where does the money come from? From those dopey guys who fall! I say, down with every guy who sings "My life, my love, my all"!

  Club Chairman : Gentleman, those in favor, say "Aye"!

  Club members : Aye! Aye!

  Club Chairman : All right, we'll pass that by!

  Club Doorman : Mr. Chairman, three gentlemen wait without.

  Club Chairman : Without what?

  Club Doorman : They want to join our club today.

  Club Chairman : Okay, admit them, right away!