Worst Remakes since 2000
There are few remakes especially in the past few years that have a positive consensus let alone improve upon their inspiration. Most are coasting on brand recognition. Here is a list confined to the years since 2000 to establish the growing trend which has audiences rolling their eyes.
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- DirectorMarcus NispelStarsJason MomoaRon PerlmanRose McGowanA vengeful barbarian warrior sets off to get his revenge on the evil warlord who attacked his village and murdered his father when he was a boy.This movie was made after Arnie was preoccupied as Governor. The remake route was the wrong choice. Should have held out for King Conan to show Arnie's/Conan's days on the throne and having matured. Loses the scope and moment of the Millius version, as well as its transitions and focus. Some claim this is closer to the comic lore. But that's not why it was made.
- DirectorCraig GillespieStarsAnton YelchinColin FarrellDavid Tennant"Fright Night" - A new neighbor moves in next to Charley, who discovers that he is an ancient vampire who preys on the community. Can he save his neighborhood from the creature with the help of the famous "vampire killer", Peter Vincent?The original is pure cheese but also somewhat sincere and engaging. Roddy McDowell and Chris Sarandon were such a big part of it that a mere cameo by Sarandon as a generic victim only symbolizes this movie trying to suck the life out of a good 80's flick. Not that I have anything against Russell Brand as the TV host/vampire hunter, except that he is funny without being a mystery.
- DirectorJason WinerStarsRussell BrandHelen MirrenJennifer GarnerA drunken playboy stands to lose a wealthy inheritance when he falls for a woman his family doesn't like.Russell Brand may be a funnier human being than Dudley Moore and maybe there was never anything funny about a drunk-driving rich guy, but despite the idea of Hellen Mirren as the butler, which works on its own, the movie falls flat. There was a chemistry that can't be duplicated from the inexplicably charming original.
- DirectorCraig BrewerStarsKenny WormaldJulianne HoughDennis QuaidCity teenager Ren MacCormack moves to a small town where rock music and dancing have been banned, and his rebellious spirit shakes up the populace.As much as I like Brewer the director of this remake, it is not adding much of anything and is a step backwards. His two previous films were outstanding and maybe he needed to make a buck. But the 1984 Kevin bacon movie still holds up despite the presence of cassettes.
- DirectorEthan CoenJoel CoenStarsTom HanksMarlon WayansIrma P. HallAn eccentric, if not charming Southern professor and his crew pose as a classical ensemble in order to rob a casino, all under the nose of his unsuspecting but sharp old landlady.Even the Cohen brothers can't get it right every time. The original Alec Guinness movie about a con artist had its day and may or may not hold up for everyone, but this is still done as a period piece and feels too arcane for the casting of excellent everyman Tom Hanks.
- DirectorSteve PinkStarsKevin HartMichael EalyRegina HallFollow two couples as they journey from the bar to the bedroom and are eventually put to the test in the real world.This is a remake of the David Mamet play Sexual Perversity on Chicago previously filmed as About Last Night... with James Belushi. This time with a colour swap in the cast. Should be a good idea and should be fair game since the original didn't set the world on fire and Mamet's name is still on it. Not the worst, but not necessarily improving on the first.
- DirectorAndrew DouglasStarsRyan ReynoldsMelissa GeorgeJimmy BennettNewlyweds are terrorized by demonic forces after moving into a large house that was the site of a grisly mass murder a year before.This is a tricky inclusion, because it does play like an essay on the original and a comment on the times. If you have recently seen the James Brolin, Margot Kidder, Rod Steiger, Helen Shaver original especially at night with the lights off you are sufficiently creeped out. Things try to skew more positive and there is not as much sense of discovery with the remake.
- DirectorWill GluckStarsQuvenzhané WallisCameron DiazJamie FoxxA foster kid who lives with her mean foster mom sees her life change when business tycoon and New York City mayoral candidate Will Stacks makes a thinly-veiled campaign move and takes her in.Taking Li'l Orphan Annie out of the 1930's is the problem, since it is at its core a Depression-Era idea with the same era's tone of seeking something better. The original film of this musical with Carol Burnett and Albert Finney - for good or ill - was pretty much what it should be and honoured that world. I can see the idea of making Annie and her guardian (the renamed version of Daddy Warbucks played by Jamie Foxx) black and then in turn adding rap and keeping it modern. . . except that all of those elements clash. The only fusion of rap and Annie so far was 2002's Austen Powers in Goldmember who managed a "Hard Knock Life" rap written by Mike Meyer's then-wife. This version doesn't offer much competition despite the efforts involved.
- DirectorJohn GrayStarsMekhi PhiferSean MaherPaula CaleThe story of professional football players Gale Sayers and Brian Piccolo, and how their friendship on and off the field was affected when Piccolo contracted a fatal disease.The original adaptation of Brian Piccolo starring a young James Caan and Billy Dee Williams without a moustache made some of us tear up when we had to watch it in high school. That should still be the go-to version.
- DirectorKimberly PeirceStarsChloë Grace MoretzJulianne MooreGabriella WildeA shy girl, outcast by her peers and sheltered by her religious mother, unleashes telekinetic terror on her small town after being pushed too far at her senior prom.I was cheering for the director of this movie, who at least got a financial hit from it. Hopefully she will do other things. But this will not supplant the Brian DePalma version.
- DirectorBreck EisnerStarsRadha MitchellTimothy OlyphantDanielle PanabakerAfter a strange and insecure plane crash, an unusual toxic virus enters a quaint farming town. A young couple are quarantined, but they fight for survival along with help from a couple of people.Not the George A. Romero version.
- DirectorScott DerricksonStarsKeanu ReevesJennifer ConnellyKathy BatesA remake of the 1951 classic science fiction film about an alien visitor and his giant robot counterpart who visit Earth.This movie was well hated. It makes you appreciate the original for its restraint and simplicity.
- DirectorPaul W.S. AndersonStarsJason StathamJoan AllenTyrese GibsonEx-con Jensen Ames is forced by the warden of a notorious prison to compete in our post-industrial world's most popular sport: a car race in which inmates must brutalize and kill one another on the road to victory.Death Race 2000 obviously needed a name change, and it's not going to be confused with the Roger Corman film that has Carradine and Stallone in it. Still part of the exhausting run of remakes thrown at us that make people groan at the trailer.
- DirectorShana FesteStarsGabriella WildeAlex PettyferBruce GreenwoodThe story of a privileged girl and a charismatic boy whose instant desire sparks a love affair made only more reckless by parents trying to keep them apart.Didn't care about the original but some people must have because it had a brand to be exploited.
- DirectorFede AlvarezStarsJane LevyShiloh FernandezJessica LucasFive friends head to a remote cabin, where the discovery of a Book of the Dead leads them to unwittingly summon up demons living in the nearby woods.Loses the charm and invention of the Sam Raimi presentation style (also known as directing).
- DirectorJosh TrankStarsMiles TellerKate MaraMichael B. JordanFour young outsiders teleport to an alternate and dangerous universe which alters their physical form in shocking ways. The four must learn to harness their new abilities and work together to save Earth from a former friend turned enemy.Ten years after the wrong person directed a Fantastic Four movie, another wrong person was hired for a remake.... but I will say that as reviled as this movie has been it is fine on DVD and it does not suggest that Josh Trank is crazy. It is not a handheld mess. The scenes follow each other in a reasonable fashion. But apparently he was not communicative and audiences thought it was too self-serious.
- DirectorRupert WainwrightStarsTom WellingMaggie GraceSelma BlairA thick mist full of vengeful spirits haunts a prosperous island town off the coast of Oregon, as its inhabitants try to learn their town's dark secret in order to stop it.Not the John Carpenter version, and therefore not worth looking at. Not that the original was anywhere near his best.
- DirectorStephen KayStarsSylvester StalloneRachael Leigh CookMiranda RichardsonA Las Vegas mob enforcer travels back to his hometown to investigate his brother's mysterious death.At least they got Michael Caine to appear in this. But you are better off watching the original by Mike Hodges the esteemed director of Flash Gordon (1980).
- DirectorKevin Rodney SullivanStarsAshton KutcherBernie MacZoe SaldanaA young woman, Theresa, brings her boyfriend, Simon, home to meet her parents and surprise them with the news of their engagement. Another surprise: Simon is white.It's a race-swap movie where instead of Sydney Poitier coming to dinner with an uptight white family, what you get is a disposal white boy flavour of the month.
- DirectorDave MeyersStarsSean BeanSophia BushZachary KnightonA couple from college get caught in a dangerous game of cat and mouse with a psychopathic hitchhiker and the police after witnessing a murder and being framed.I hated the ending of the original, which I am willing to spoil upon request. It left such a sour taste in my mouth I have no reason to see the remake and a lot of other people also had no reason to see it.
- DirectorJaume Collet-SerraStarsChad Michael MurrayParis HiltonElisha CuthbertA group of teens are unwittingly stranded near a strange wax museum and soon must fight to survive and keep from becoming the next exhibit.Paris Hilton pulls off some realistic-looking crying in this. That's the nicest thing I can say. It's not badly directed. It just belongs in the vault.
- DirectorDonald WryeStarsTaylor FirthRob MayesHenry CzernyAlexis is a young girl who dreams of becoming a champion figure skater. One day, while practicing, Alexis suffers a terrible accident that takes her sight and threatens to destroy her dreams.Had no interest in the original, but some - even Kevin Smith - have nostalgia for it. This was the attempt to mine that nostalgia.
- DirectorAndrew FlemingStarsAlbert BrooksMichael DouglasRyan ReynoldsRight before his daughter's wedding, a mild-mannered foot doctor discovers that his future son-in-law's father is a free-wheeling international spy.Out.
- DirectorJosef RusnakStarsBijou PhillipsJames MurrayRaphaël ColemanA baby born to a human couple turns out to be a mutant monster with an appetite to kill when scared.It's not so alive.
- DirectorHarald ZwartStarsJackie ChanJaden SmithTaraji P. HensonWork causes a single mother to move to China with her young son; in his new home, the boy embraces kung fu, taught to him by a master.Jaden Pinkett Smith had ambitions to be Ralph Machio when he grows up. Hopefully he won't do The Outsiders.
- DirectorAlfonso ArauStarsMadeleine StoweBruce GreenwoodJonathan Rhys MeyersThe spoiled rotten and utterly unlikable rich kid George Amberson becomes horrified when his recently widowed mother rekindles her relationship with the wealthy Eugene Morgan, who she left decades earlier in order to marry George's father. As George struggles to sabotage his mother's new romance, he must deal with his own romantic feelings for Morgan's daughter and the consequences of his meddling as his once great family falls into ruin due to his machinations...Apparently not directed by Orson Welles.
- DirectorPeter SegalStarsAdam SandlerBurt ReynoldsChris RockPrison inmates form a football team to challenge the prison guards.At least this does have Burt in it, but I don't know that fans of the original cared for it. It is hard to like the Sandler character.
- DirectorSteven BrillStarsAdam SandlerWinona RyderJohn TurturroA sweet-natured, small-town guy inherits a controlling stake in a media conglomerate and begins to do business his way.Apparently not directed by Frank Capra.
- DirectorPatrick LussierStarsJensen AcklesJaime KingKerr SmithTom returns to his hometown on the tenth anniversary of the Valentine's night massacre that claimed the lives of 22 people. Instead of a homecoming, Tom finds himself suspected of committing the murders, and it seems like his old flame is the only one that believes he's innocent.Some fans of the original do like this. I think Tarantino and Brett Easton Ellis appreciated the gore. Maybe the original is not a sacred thing either, but apparently it is "honoured" by it. Still sucks.
- DirectorSamuel BayerStarsJackie Earle HaleyRooney MaraKyle GallnerThe spectre of a disfigured man haunts the children of the parents who murdered him, stalking and killing them in their dreams.Recasting Freddy even with Oscar Nominee Jackie Earl Haley who we remember from the original Bad News Bears might have seemed like a good idea. But everyone missed Robert Eglund and there is NOTHING special about the ramshackle script or generic-coverage directing except when it is re-staging Wes Craven's most iconic shots. We might be interested in his origins and seeing the vigilante justice that led to his original death, but we would rather see it with Englund (who has done it on the Freddy's Nightmares TV series). Apparently the rights were sold, so there will be yet another remake of this. . .
- DirectorChad ZuverStarsCalhoun KoenigKayla ElizabethCody SteeleDuring a visit to see their wife and mother's grave. Jerry and his daughters Melanie and Barbra are going to experience a night they will never forget.See the black and white Romero version.
- DirectorSpike LeeStarsJosh BrolinElizabeth OlsenSamuel L. JacksonObsessed with vengeance, a man sets out to find out why he was kidnapped and locked into solitary confinement for twenty years without reason.Spike Lee is great, his cast is always solid, but this is totally unnecessary and underwhelming. Better to read the subtitles of the Korean original.
- DirectorJohn MooreStarsLiev SchreiberJulia StilesSeamus Davey-FitzpatrickAn American official realizes that his young son may literally be the Devil incarnate.The best parts of this remake are pretty much using the original as a moving storyboard. The studio said yes to this shortly after telling Terry Gilliam no for his adaptation of "Good Omens" because the concept of Omens was not part of the zeitgeist anymore... even while they marketed the release of this one on 6/06/06. It's a slap in the face to a concept that could have been deconstructed.
- DirectorTim BurtonStarsMark WahlbergHelena Bonham CarterTim RothIn 2029, an Air Force astronaut crash-lands on a mysterious planet where evolved, talking apes dominate a race of primitive humans.Universally dismissed Tim Burton version sucks despite having some solid actors trapped in masks.
- DirectorWolfgang PetersenStarsRichard DreyfussKurt RussellEmmy RossumOn New Year's Eve, the luxury ocean liner Poseidon capsizes after being swamped by a rogue wave. The survivors are left to fight for their lives as they attempt to escape the sinking ship.Great cast, and strong director, unable to bring the charm of the Irwin Allen programmer from the 70's. Not really horrible, just not necessary.
- DirectorNelson McCormickStarsBrittany SnowScott PorterJessica StroupDonna's senior prom is supposed to be the best night of her life, though a sadistic killer from her past has different plans for her and her friends.At least the first one had Jamie Lee Curtis and Leslie Neilson. Slicker doesn't mean better. And admittedly the original is no classic, so it is less of a shame.
- DirectorDan BradleyStarsChris HemsworthIsabel LucasJosh HutchersonA group of teenagers look to save their town from an invasion of North Korean soldiers.The John Millius movie had some self-awareness, like a bumper sticker that says, "from my cold dead hand" just before someone plucks a gun from the owner's dead hand. This update was already a mess, originally shot with Chinese paratroopers as the enemy and then digitally changed to North Korean - at least on their flags and markings - to avert offence to a key market. Bad idea bringing this dated right wing fantasy to the modern screen.
- DirectorJosé PadilhaStarsJoel KinnamanGary OldmanMichael KeatonIn 2028 Detroit, when Alex Murphy, a loving husband, father and good cop, is critically injured in the line of duty, the multinational conglomerate OmniCorp sees their chance for a part-man, part-robot police officer.An able cast of names and a touch of satire in a generation that doesn't get satire anyway can't make us embrace this new Robocop.
- DirectorJohn McTiernanStarsChris KleinJean RenoLL Cool JThe big thing in 2005 is a violent sport which can have some pretty serious consequences... like dying.The original by Norman Jewison had some restraint and thematic focus as opposed to being too pretty and kinetic for the sake of kinetic,
- DirectorBrian RobbinsStarsTim AllenKristin DavisCraig KilbornA man tries to live a normal life despite the fact that he sometimes turns into a sheepdog.The original was directed by the great Charles Barton who gave us Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein. I think we need the distance of the period for the premise to really click.
- DirectorLen WisemanStarsColin FarrellBokeem WoodbineBryan CranstonA factory worker, Douglas Quaid, begins to suspect that he is a spy after visiting Rekall - a company that provides its clients with implanted fake memories of a life they would like to have led - goes wrong and he finds himself on the run.Superficially impressive with its environments and FX, as well as having a solid cast, this movie is al also-ran compared to the entertaining and focused cheese of the original. It is also a missed opportunity. Why not just see what Cronenberg's version might have been?
- DirectorKevin BrayStarsDwayne JohnsonAshley ScottJohnny KnoxvilleA former U.S. soldier returns to his hometown to find it overrun by crime and corruption, which prompts him to clean house.Nothing against the Rock, but the original was in and of its time and that allowed it to get away with its premise a bit more easily.
- DirectorDaming ChenStarsAndy LauGong LiLi YuanAfter an accident, a chauvinistic executive gains the ability to hear what women are really thinking.Apparently the foreign language version of the Nancy Meyers movie that had Helen Hunt and everyone's favourite punching bag Mel and which will continue to have value as an artifact and still is quite funny. But I acknowledge that this is less a case of Hollywood exploiting a brand.
- DirectorSimon WestStarsCamilla BelleTommy FlanaganKatie CassidyDuring a babysitting gig, a high-school student is harassed by an increasingly threatening prank caller.The existence of this movie caused me to to look at the old film and realize I had no memory of the middle section.
- DirectorNeil LaButeStarsNicolas CageEllen BurstynLeelee SobieskiA sheriff investigating the disappearance of a young girl from a small island discovers there's a larger mystery to solve among the island's secretive, neo-pagan community.Despite being directed by the excellent Neil LaBute, this movie hasn't got the distance and intrigue of the original.
- DirectorPaul FeigStarsMelissa McCarthyKristen WiigKate McKinnonFollowing a ghost invasion of Manhattan, paranormal enthusiasts Erin Gilbert and Abby Yates, nuclear engineer Jillian Holtzmann, and subway worker Patty Tolan band together to stop the otherworldly threat.What sets this remake apart from the others listed is that there had not been a couple of decades of speculation and teasing about a sequel that updated Venkman and the original characters. This "new universe" is a complete reset that nobody asked for, so touching base with the established team is no longer a plan. That is the core of fan outrage. Had Feig been willing to have the technology "handed" to the new heroines, there would be less fuss. Except that it also isn't funny enough to live up to the brand.
- DirectorKevin TancharoenStarsKelsey GrammerBebe NeuwirthMegan MullallyAn updated version of the musical Fame (1980), which centered on the students of the New York Academy of Performing Arts. The name of the school in 1980 was Fiorello Laguardia High School.This movie only has the location The School for the Performing Arts in common. They stayed away from recasting the well known characters, but you may spend some time guessing who is who as they somewhat avoid letting you know this was their plan. You might be thinking what kind of Coco, Bruno, Leroy or the gay guy will be cast. And no Shorofsky (played by the old guy who wrote "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch." Best to look back at the original or the TV series.
- DirectorGil KenanStarsSam RockwellRosemarie DeWittKennedi ClementsA family whose suburban home is haunted by evil forces must come together to rescue their youngest daughter after the apparitions take her captive.Technically well acted and photographed, it is an update for the sake of adding current technology such as wifi which will have dead spots and cell phones or flat screen TVs. And yet, the filmmakers blinked when it came to discarding an electronic device (like the TV at the end of the original) perhaps for fear it would alienate makers of the device. That is a deleted alternate ending on the DVD. Instead, they reject their next home because it has a spooky tree. So the corporate overlords: we don't question technology and its danger to us, we fear trees. The original directed by Tobe Hooper (and reportedly with much interjection by Spielberg, because he was only contractually forbidden to direct for MGM while in Post on E.T. for Universal, and he used a different editor for E.T. and assigned his usual editor Michael Kahn to Poltergeist) is a far superior film with more personality. Don't be afraid to see the older movie.